Artist	Song
Eddie Vedder	Longing To Belong
from Ukulele Songs (2011) "I'm falling harder than I've ever fell before I'm falling fast while hoping I'll land in your arms 'cause all my time is spent here longing to belong to you" I heard this song in the weeks after I met Carlie for the first time. It summed up exactly what I had felt starting at meeting her and spending everyday getting to know her before we became an official couple.
George Strait	Desperately
from Honkytonkville (2003) "Desperately, I long to feel your touch But you left me all alone in love" In the beginning, we would see each other only on the weekends and only for a few hours. She would drive back home, or I would drive back home, and while happy, I would still have a hint of sadness since I couldn't hold her hand or hold her close while we were separated by 48 miles of highway.
Blake Shelton	Who Are You When I'm Not Looking
from All About Tonight (2010) "Who are you when I'm not around? When the door is locked and the shades are down? Do you listen to your music quietly? And when it feels just right, are you thinking of me?" I would listen to this song on repeat while I texted her while we were still getting to know each other. She has so many layers to her, it was truly a privilege getting to see beyond what she let everyone else get to know.
Boys Like Girls	Two Is Better Than One (Feat. Taylor Swift
from Love Drunk (2009) "I remember what you wore on the first day You came into my life and I thought hey You know, this could be something" I knew from the first time I laid my eyes on her that she is a special person, and that I wanted her to be part of my life.
Keith Urban	I'm In
from Defying Gravity (2009) "If I knew what I was doing I'd be doing it right now... ...So if you need a lover and a friend I'm in" There is so much this song has to say that I felt would apply fantastically to our relationship. The man in thing I hoped this song would convey came from Keith Urban's performance of the song at the 2010 ACM Awards. He looked at his wife Nicole Kidman: "If you need a lover and a friend and soulmate and everything... I'm in!"
Blake Shelton	God Gave Me You
from Red River Blue (2011) "You'll always be love's great martyr And I'll be the flattered fool" I know I was difficult to deal with at times, but she was always patient and always such a blessing... I have always truly felt that she was more than I deserved and that God has truly blessed me with her presence in my life.
George Strait	Give It All We Got Tonight
from Love Is Everything (2012) "Oh my God, you're something Like nothing I've ever seen If I'm asleep girl, let me dream" I was always amazed by her. Her intelligence, her beauty, her kindness and generosity... She was a dream come true and I tried to spend every moment I could hugging her, kissing her, and holding her close. Sometimes life didn't let it work out that way, and at times I didn't show it as well as I could have, but it was always what I wanted to do with our time together.
Eli Young Band	Crazy Girl
from Life At Best (2011) "Crazy Girl, don't you know that I love you? And I wouldn't dream of going nowhere" She seemed to be in disbelief at times throughout the entire relationship that I loved her. I always loved her. Still do.
Michelle Branch	It's You
from Hotel Paper (2003) "If tomorrow never comes I would want just one thing I would tell it to the stars and the sun I would write it for the world to see And it's you" I was never he best at displaying mushiness openly, but the last 6 months we were together, I started trying harder to let everyone know how much she meant and how happy I was that she was in my life.
Pearl Jam	Just Breathe
from Backspacer (2009) "Did I say that I need you? Did I say that I want you? Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see No one knows this more than me" I knew I should have been better at telling her and those around me how much she meant to me. I added this song because I felt it was the best way to say it, even in the middle of a mix that was intended to only be sweet start to finish... I felt I needed to bypass being only sweet to acknowledge my mistakes.
Jason Aldean	Don't Give Up On Me
from Wide Open (2009) "You tie the knot when I'm at the end of my rope You never stop believing' in me When I don't know who I am or what I'm supposed to be I don't give you no good reason But baby, don't give up on me" I made bad choices, I made mistakes. I didn't take care of priorities, I lied, I said and did things with others that I knew I shouldn't have. She seemed to be okay with forgiving me. I knew it had gone on too long and I was trying my damnedest to straighten my act up before she gave up completely. Unfortunately, this two roads didn't intersect in time.
Bowling For Soup	How Far Can This Go
from Lunch. Drunk. Love (2013) "It’s cold outside, light a fire Throw our past mistakes into the flame We can watch them burn Lay down your head, close your eyes Tomorrow’s gonna be a brand new day and the tide is gonna turn" Another apology song. I wanted so badly to leave our past mistakes behind and rebuild into the most promising future possible. I felt we had it in us. Maybe we did, maybe we didn't. I will always wonder what might have been different had I told her directly what I wanted and hoped for instead of relying on a CD full of songs to be the messenger.
Blake Shelton	I Need My Girl
from Bringing Back The Sunshine (2014) "I don't need those buddies of mine taking me on the town Or a TV preacher warning me bout the road I'm going down I don't need to let 'I'm sorry' not roll off my lips And I don't need to let my pride talk me out of this I need my girl" I knew I needed to stop making excuses, stop making the wrong decisions, and needed to tell her and show her that I cared about her, and only her. Apology song number 3.
Eric Church	A Man Who Was Gonna Die Young
from The Outsiders (2014) "In the mirror I saw my surprise Who knew gray hairs liked to hide on a head That didn't think he'd live past thirty If I make it thirty more, It's the brown that you'll be looking for As you run your fingers through it and say, 'Slow down, honey.'" I I wanted the pace of my life to slow down. Be it slowing down how much I worked, how much I traveled to see whichever concert I wanted to see... At 35, I was started to get way too tired. I got my first grey hairs during our relationship, more in my beard than on my head. But, I imagined her and I married decades down the road, me being the man who refused to slow down in my older age and her hugging me, smiling at me, telling me to take it easy. I imagined us aged and married and her being my voice of reason.
Pearl Jam	Future Days
from Lightning Bolt (2013) "If I ever were to lose you I'd surely lose myself Everything I have found dear I’ve not found by myself Try and sometimes you'll succeed to make this man of me All my stolen missing parts I’ve no need for anymore... ...Back when I was feeling broken I focused on a prayer, you came deep as in the ocean It's something I can't hear... I believe and I believe ‘cause I can see Our future days, days of you and me" This song used in the wedding scene in the How I Met Your Mother final season. I watched that episode and teared up. The song made so much sense to me in that moment. I listened to it on repeat after that, thinking of her. I wanted this song to be our song, since we had yet to have a song. I hoped at the Pearl Jam show in Tulsa that it would be on the setlist. I planned to pull her close to me, to wrap my arms around her and sing the song to her... to make that moment in the show special to us. It wasn't played at that show, but later on I saw a photo of the setlist and it was cut in favor of another song. When I saw Pearl Jam two weeks later in Denver, it was played. She was in Denver with me but not at the show. Denver was our last road trip together, and a road trip that she said, events surrounding, was the final straw. To me, this song will forever be our song, even though it was never officially named so. It will always be what reminds me of my love for her, and how hers made me feel.

Comment:

This is a mix I made notes about in my notebook, added and removed songs, and changed track order on for three and a half years. I started making it in April 2011 when I met Carlie, who would become my girlfriend of three and a half years. I finished it on my 35th birthday and gave it to her while we were on our way to see Pearl Jam in Tulsa on the night of birthday. Our relationship ended exactly four weeks after I finished the mix and gave it to her.

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